Create Success Teams: Isolation Is The Dream Killer

Isolation, not attitude. After decades of coaching, Sher concluded that people rarely stall because of their mindset. They stall because they try to do it alone. She made it the title of her 2015 TEDx talk: Isolation Is the Dream-Killer, Not Your Attitude.

Five or six people, once a week, for eight weeks. Different goals are an advantage. A would-be baker, a returning student, and a long-delayed traveler bring different contacts, skills, and knowledge into the room. More variety means more chances that someone knows a way through.

The dream and the obstacle: what I want, and why I can’t have it. The obstacle is the key ingredient. “I can’t because…” gives everyone something concrete to work on, and resources nobody thought of as resources start showing up.

In a 2008 University of Virginia study, yes. People wearing heavy backpacks judged a hill as less steep with a friend beside them. Just thinking of a supportive friend helped too. Some researchers say this reflects judgment rather than vision. Either way, a problem’s size depends partly on who’s next to you.

By as much as 50 percent. Francis Flynn and Vanessa Bohns found that people consistently underestimate how likely others are to say yes to a direct request. Fundraisers in one study expected to approach about half again as many people as it actually took.

We only count one side of the cost. When we ask, we focus on what saying yes costs the other person and forget that saying no costs something too. Most people don’t like being the one who refuses. A Success Team removes the guesswork: asking is simply part of the format.

Sometimes. Peter Gollwitzer and colleagues (2009) found that when others noticed people’s identity goals, those people sometimes put in less effort afterward. Saying “I’m going to be a writer” can give the brain an early sense of accomplishment, as though saying it counted as doing it.

It skips the applause and goes to the obstacle. The group asks what happens next, keeping attention on the gap between where you are and where you want to be. That gap is where the work gets done.