Three sentences can describe the exact same experience — and leave you with three completely different ideas about whether it can change.
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Card 1 of 8
"I get nervous in crowds."
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Nothing about the person. Everything about how permanent it sounds.something that happens . Things that happen can stop.something you own .
Card 2 of 8
Two groups of children heard a story about a girl named Rosie.
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One group heard Rosie eats carrots a lot . The other heard she is a carrot-eater .
Gelman & Heyman, 1999
Card 3 of 8
You can fall short of relaxation.
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No. You're either doing it right now or you aren't.something you can fail at .
Rule 1
You're describing a problem.
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Say it as something that happens .
Rule 2
You're describing a strength.
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Use a label — but build it out of something you do .
Rule 3
There's one kind of label worth avoiding altogether.
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The kind with no action inside it .
Card 7 of 8
Children praised for being smart gave up faster than children praised for working hard.
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Because "smart" is a label that failing can take away .
Mueller & Dweck, 1998
Card 8 of 8
All of it comes down to one question you can ask yourself.
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Is there an action inside this word?
Calling something a thing is a claim about how permanent it is.
Most of the time, nobody ever checked.